Drawing a Line

This is one of my favorite times of the year.  Not only do I enjoy the cooler weather, but I find it to be a time of reflection and evaluation.  This is the time of year you get to “draw a line” and total everything up for the year.  It is the time that you get to reset the clock and say “tomorrow it all starts over”.

Although I don’t like “resolutions”, I do like to set goals for each new year.  I don’t always make them happen, but if one doesn’t at least think about the future, nothing will ever change.

So what are you thinking about as this year draws to a close?  What kinds of things would you love to change?  Write them down, think about the changes you need to make in your life to make new things happen.  Do you believe you can change?  Do you believe that 2010 will be a good year for you?  Share your thoughts.

Remember You are Free!

I worked with someone not too long ago, who, although we live in a country with incredible freedoms, was imprisoned in her own guilt and and sadness.   Sometimes the choices we make in life lead us down a path of deep regret and we feel that this path has a one way sign on it and we can never turn back.

The exciting truth is that there is a way back from any problem you may have.  Although you may have to deal with the consequences of your actions, there is always a way to recover and be free of the guilt and sadness that you may be feeling.  God does not give up on us, we generally give up on Him and His offer of forgiveness and freedom.

I have run into many people recently who are very interested in “the secret” and the “law of attraction” and although I respect their opinions and beliefs, I am much more comfortable trusting in God for my daily provisions and the freedom He offers me through faith.  Since my relationship with Him is tangible to me and has sustained itself for almost 50 years, I believe I need not look to the “universe” to meet my needs, my provision has already been met.

My work as a life coach allows me to help people who want to make the changes in their lives necessary to come back from the prison in their mind.  I am excited when I think that we live in a country that allows us the freedom to believe in God or not, to change or not, to become a whole person or not.  We are indeed physically free, but until we release our hearts and minds from the prison of our soul, we are only partially free.  The secret is that God loves you and wants you to be free.  Think about freedom for your soul while you celebrate the freedom you have for your body.

When Your Feet are Like Rocks!

Let’s face it, not every day is exciting or interesting, and not every activity we do is fun or challenging.  Much of life is mundane and ordinary.  It can even be cruel and unrelenting.  No matter what kind of work we each do, not every aspect is going to be fun or exciting and in some cases it is just going to be difficult to put our feet on the floor each morning to do it.

I do have to say that there are those folks who do seem to have glamorous lives.  Most notably, celebrities. They all seem to jet set around the world when they feel like and can afford almost anything they want.  But upon closer examination we often find that they have broken relationships, and although they look like they are having a good time, they are often covering up their sadness with meaningless relationships and activities.

So how do we, as ordinary people, ride the wave between the mundane to the sublime and stay sane.   I think the best way is to always remind yourself of why you do what you do.  Gaining a clear understanding of purpose is important to self motivation and is often key to getting up each morning and facing tasks that may not be the most exciting.

Embracing a passionate pursuit is also a wonderful way to bring meaning to your life.  It can be your daily work or it can also be something that is completely unrelated to work and even your vocational choosing.  No matter how bad your job is, if you are doing something else you love when you are not working, life becomes much more colorful.

Another good habit to develop is an attitude of gratitude.  Even if life is difficult right now, find one small thing to be thankful for and let your mind dwell on this small island of goodness in your life. Those people who see something positive in any situation, tend to cope much more efficiently with the things that aren’t so great about their lives.  I have a friend with MS and I have yet to hear her complain about her walker or how difficult it is to get around.  Instead she is joyful that she is not in a wheel chair.  She continues to look for the good stuff in her situation and as a result is never want for friends to take her shopping or sit and have a coffee with her.

So what is your challenge?  What is making your feel like rocks today?  Embrace it, and don’t run from it, examine it and determine how it can become an asset in your life.

Stress and Burn Out

I know that we have talked about stress before but there have been so many events in the economy of late that have the potential to increase stress for many people that I think stress deserves some discussion again.  Have you thought about the stress in your life lately?  Are you conscience of any additional stress factors that have been added to you life lately that may cause you to burnout?  Sometimes we go along in life unaware that our lives are getting more and more difficult until we are on overload.  Kind of like driving down a quiet road in the middle of no where at night and at the last minute there is a deer in the road.  You hit it before you have time to react.  Stress is like that.  It builds and builds and then you hit the wall.  Are you ready to hit the wall?

If you think that you are on the verge of burnout the first step to take is to understand what areas of your life are creating the stress.  Are you overburdened at work?  Is to much time and energy being demanded of you, do you have an angry boss, are you working for a company you like or is your job in danger?  All of these things can create a lot of stress.

Perhaps your stress is at home.  Is your personal life what you want it to be?  Are you in a problem relationship?  Are their problems with children or are you caring for elderly parents?  All of these things contribute to our stress levels.

Perhaps you are dealing with illness, either yourself or a loved one.  Future uncertainty with regard to health can be a tremendous stress inducing situation.

There are many people out there who could answer yes to all of the above and yet others lives are sort of boring and boredom can also be a huge stressing factor for some people.   The idea of every day being the same is over whelming and may cause one to feel as though life is just not that exciting and stress occurs from thinking “that’s all there is” to life.

The point I am trying to make is that sometimes there are many things that cause us stress and we never stop to think about our sources of our stress.  Before we deal with stress it is a good idea that we know its source.  Many people can go along time working under a certain type of stress.  They are used to it, they have made friends with it and they function well under it and from time to time even use it as an impetus to getting things done.  But then one little thing happens and they have hit the wall.  It doesn’t have to be large; a speeding ticket, a call from the principal’s office, a child home sick, an unexpected bill, all have the potential to derail us if we are at a tipping point.  If we understand the various stress factors in our lives, we can quickly identify the problem stress factor and deal with it easily and move on.

I suggest that folks keep a stress diary, much like someone managing pain would keep a pain diary.  This type of activity keeps you in touch with how you feel about your circumstances and how they affect you.  If you make yourself cognisant of life’s stress factors you are aware of your threshold and can remove things as needed to keep the stress levels under control before the dam breaks.

Stress and burnout sneak up on us and if we are not exactly sure where our stress comes from it can side line us and take a long time to get get in the game.  Knowing our limits helps us to operate within them.  What is your stress like today?

Life is Too Short to Be Sad!

Life can really beat us down.  There is always someone ready to burst your bubble, tell you a truth you would rather not know, give you bad news, or tell you your butt looks big in those jeans.  I am always amazed that no matter how many committees, teams, groups or organizations I work in, there is always someone in the group who has the ability to make everyone want to avoid their form of “truth”.  Someone always feels the need to keep happiness from spontaneously breaking out in any room they are in.  Often these folks travel in pairs or in triplets, and they are in the lunch room, stalking the halls, or around every corner, just ready to take the wind out of the sails of anyone who happens to be in a good mood.

So how to we manage to stay on top while so many people want us to be just as unhappy as they are?  I find the answer to that must lie within each of us.  It is so easy to get pulled down into a vortex of negative, critical thinking.  I do believe one thing that helps is to find one person who is always in a good mood and make friends with them.  I have always found that people with a happy disposition tend to rub off on everyone around them.  They can sometimes even make the dark clouds in our lives seem happier.

Another trick I learned while working at a place that seemed to have a whole department full of dark clouds, was to limit my time with them.  Let’s face it, we may be forced to interact with these people at work or in church, or on a committee at school, so we must be prepared to handle them as necessary.  I learned never to deal with them when I was tired, hungry, sad or in any other weakened state.  I made contact only as I needed to and for as brief a time as possible.  I also tried not to deal with them alone, since they seem to travel in packs, I didn’t want to get surrounded.

Also, never commiserate with them, if they think you agree they make you a member of their sad little club.  Never go to them for advise or to let off steam, that also could get you drawn into their group and then they want to be around you all the time.

Surround yourself with positive people.  The people that have the most access to your personal life should be the ones that will tell you that you look fat in those jeans by directing you to something more flattering, not by laughing and pointing.  Create a positive circle around yourself so that you can stay as positive as the world will let you be.

Also, don’t be one of the those people.  Even if your natural temperament is one that leans toward sadness and critical thinking, try to keep yourself positive and happy.  Happy people live longer, have more friends and get through the rough spots in life more gracefully.  Being critical of others makes you feel critical, but trying to see the good in others automatically makes you a happier person.  Find the things in life that make you happy and don’t dwell on the things that could bring you to that sad place.

Like most things in life, being happy is a choice.  We can choose who we associate with, how we respond to problems, who are best friends will be and whether or not we are going to make the most of every opportunity.  The choice is yours, choose wisely.

A Word about Guilt

Guilt is a powerful motivator.  We do things because we feel guilty, we don’t do things because we will feel guilty and we may even motivate ourselves with guilt.  We do everything from losing weight to exercise to achieving big goals, all while feeling guilty if we do or don’t.  Our parents often guilted us into higher grades, playing sports, and doing chores around the house.  For years the church kept us on the straight and narrow based on guilt.  For some people if they didn’t have guilt, they would never even get out of bed in the morning.

So does this describe you?  Do you have someone else’s voice ringing in your ears every time you set your goals?  Do you let other people manipulate you into doing things that you no longer have an inclination or desire to do?  Does guilt cripple you?

Well you are not alone.  I believe that guilt is a tool that God uses to help us recognize when we are not in line with His principles.  That kind of guilt is easily fixed by recognizing our error, repenting and then moving on.  But if your feel guilt all the time about everything, that is not from God and can be a destructive force in your life.

If you are someone who feels guilty for everything all the time, that is not good and you need to examine the source of your guilt.  So how can you overcome the type of guilt that is destructive?

1.  Recognize the role guilt plays in your life.  Does it just happen every now and again or do you wake up guilty.  Deal with guilt head on, don’t be afraid of it.  Take note of the things that make you feel guilt, and determine if the guilt you feel is legitimate or is something learned or that you put on yourself as a way to control a habit you don’t like.  Understand your guilt and you can learn to overcome it.

2.  Are there people in your life who manipulate you with guilt?  Do an assessment of all those in your life, and take note of those who make your feel the guiltiest.  These people need to have limited access to your personal thoughts and life.  Even if these folks are in your family, you must control the time you spend with them so that you see them when you are strongest

3.  When you feel guilt, ask yourself if it is legitimate.  Did you do something that should make you feel guilty?  Did you do something that steps over your personal boundaries of conduct, if so then the guilt is justified and you need to address it and move on.

4.  We should also never use guilt against ourselves.  If we become used to making ourselves do things just to avoid the guilt, we allow guilt to have a great hold on us and soon that is all we will respond to.  Learn to discipline yourself with rewards and not out of guilt.

If you struggle with guilt, identity its source and deal with it.  Don’t let it become a way of life.  What makes you feel guilty?

How Do You Handle Problems?

It has been said that “into every life a little rain must fall” which is a pleasant way of saying that we all have problems. Each day we wake up with the possibility of unlimited problems and challenges. Some small and annoying and some large and potentially devastating to our daily life. So how do we handle them? How do we even prepare for problems?

Speaking as someone with the boy scout mentality of “always be prepared” it is especially frustrating that we can not always be prepared for the things in life that fall into the category of problems.  Sometimes being prepared for the problem doesn’t even make it less painful or difficult.  I was prepared with the knowledge for the probable passing of many loved ones, but it did not make the farewell easier to say.  So how should we face problems?

I have come to understand that problems should never define us.  They can certainly take us off guard, but as we gain our bearings we should begin to define the problem by our response to it.  We are all inspired by the people to chose to look illness in the eye and stand up to it, fighting back.  Even if they lose, they are then defined as fighters and not quitters.  Our problems then become defined by our response.

Our problems should also make us better.  We should learn from them, grow into better human beings with more depth of character, tolerance and patience with others.  Our problems should help us help someone else.

Our problems were never meant to be handled alone.  The burdens were meant to be shared.  Our problems teach us humility and grace.  Our problems give those we love a chance to increase their compassion and servant hearts.  For those of us who have a relationship with a loving, living God, our problems were meant to help us lean on Him as well, and to know Him more intimately than before.

Problems can’t be avoided, but they can be handled.  We should not live life under the cloud of the sad anticipation of a fight we can’t possibly win or the loss we don’t want to endure.  Problems are often for a season, and how we handle each new one, gives us strength for the next.  Some are meant to be worked through, fought off, and defeated while others are meant to be embraced as a constant reminder that we are not in life alone and we must lean on others and God.

What are you facing today?  How are you responding?  Lean on someone who cares.