What’s Your Time Management Like?

Many people think of time management as making lists and checking off tasks.  But it really is much more than that.  Time management is really understanding how you spend your time and then learning how to budget it more wisely.  If we would think of time in the same way we think of our money we would realize that, like our money, it will eventually run out.  If you want to get things accomplished in life, you must learn to budget your time.

How much time to you waste looking for things you have misplaced?  How much time do you waste looking for things you thought you filed?  Do you waste time waiting for children to be done an activity because it costs to much to drive back and forth?  Are their pockets of time in your day that you can reclaim?

The first step in good time management is to figure out where your time is going currently.  I tell clients to take a one week segment and carry a notebook with them at all times to write down what they do all day.  Make note of everything, from getting up and getting ready for work or the day to brushing your teeth and hitting the pillow at night.  This information is often a revelation to people, most of us have no idea how much time we waste doing unnecessary things.

I challenge you to take the test!  See exactly where your time goes.  For time management tips check out my web site at www.refinedperspectives.com

Nothing Comes Easy!

Don’t you just get excited about those stories that you hear on the morning talk shows about those people who did something amazing?  Shows like the “Biggest Loser” and “The Amazing Race” are so popular because people achieve things that seem impossible.  We all wish we could achieve things that seem impossible.

We all have things in our lives that seem impossible.  Maybe right now you are out of a job and the chances of you getting one you want seem impossible.  Or perhaps you started a business and  it just seems like success is way out of your reach.  Have you been struggling with a weight problem or addiction and it just seems like you will never overcome?  What is the difference between you and the people we see on T.V.?  What makes them so special, why to they achieve the goal?  I have learned that the difference is that they DECIDED they were going to achieve their goal.  That’s right, in many cases a decision is what stands between you and achievement.  The people who reach their goals give themselves no other options, they make a decision to achieve.  They count the cost and they decide it is worth the effort.

The decision does not make the goal any easier.  The same obstacles are still there, you still have to do what it takes each day to get the job done.  The difference is that once you make the DECISION the exit doors have been closed.

So what are the things that you want to achieve today?.  Are they really hard?  Are you up for the challenge?  Can you make the decision?  All those folks we see on the morning shows faced many obstacles, got up early, hit the gym, ran the race, talked to one more person, what ever their goal required.  They sweat, they cried, and felt like quitting, but they got up every morning because they decided to do so.  And one day they woke up and they had achieved their goal.  What will you wake up to tomorrow?  Wake up a winner!

A Little Extra Effort Wins the Race!

The difference in success and failure is often measured by very small increments.  In a horse race and winner can be determined by a nose.  So much so, that often film footage must be reviewed to see who the winner is.  Swimmer Michael Phelps won an Olympic Gold medal by finishing the race just one inch sooner than his closest opponent.  The line between success and failure is indeed quite thin.

When winning races those very small margins needed to win often represent many hours of work and sweat.  Constant and deliberate actions can create those very small margins that it takes to win the race.

So what are those constant and deliberate actions that make the difference for each of us.  You can well imagine that for Michael Phelps to gain the inch over his opponents, it required day after day of getting up at 5:00 a.m. and getting in the pool.  Not too exciting, but the reality is, the daily efforts you put into to your endeavors can have the a profound affect on your success.

Whether you are trying to get a promotion, start a business or raise children, daily doing what you know to do will pay big dividends and each day passes.  Sadly, because we can’t see how our daily disciplines make a difference, we often lose heart and decide that improving our education, exercising every day, eating better or starting a new business to help get us ahead really is just too much work.  Instead we turn the TV on in the evening and just check out of life.

Before you are tempted to “check out” and coast through life, consider how just a little effort each day can make the difference you need to push you to the success you are seeking.  Creating a focused approach to achieving your dreams can make them a reality.  So the next time you are ready to give up, just think of that a Gold Medal was won by one inch and get up and do what you need to do to make the difference in your life.

Know Thyself!

Some people are their own worst enemy.   They have great talent in many areas but maybe their temper gets the better of them and they destroy deals by being too aggressive.  Perhaps they are incredibly artistic and their art is moving and beautiful, but they lack the confidence to share it with the world.  Still others never get anywhere in life because they go from scheme to scheme not sticking with anything long enough to take hold and produce significant success.  It is not just enough to understand our strengths, even though that is what we like to talk about, it is vitally important to understand the weak side of our natures.

That’s right, as with all of nature, we are all two sides to the same coin.  We all have incredible strengths and abilities, but by the same token we are balanced by a weak side that can, if we allow it, diminish our success.  So how do we prevent that?

As with most things knowledge is power, and if we take the time to learn a little about our temperament we can learn to manage its down side.  We can’t change our temperament, but we can manage it.  We can learn the characteristics that hold us back and take steps to grow through them.  For instance, if your temperament is prone to anger, look at the situations and people that make you angry and understand why they do so.  Learn some anger management techniques.  Figure out what triggers your anger.  I choose anger, because my personality can be angry and mean, and so I have learned how to control my responses to situations that could make me angry.  I have learned how to count to ten, so to speak.

The way we act is not solely a result of our temperament, and we should never use it as an excuse for bad behavior or failures in our lives.  You should never hear the words “that’s just how I am” coming out of your mouth as an excuse for inexcusable behavior.  The fact of the matter is that taking responsibility for your personality and learning to control it and use the best parts of it, is what sets us apart from the animals.

There are many factors that affect how we turn out, our family background, early traumas or a loving and nurturing environment, have a bearing on who we become.  Our temperament is inherited from our parents, just like our eye color and that goofy walk, but we can choose to use our gifts to make our lives better and diminish the weaknesses so that we can also make the lives of those who have to live with us better as well.

How well do you know yourself?  Is your temperament holding you back from being a better spouse/parent/friend?  Do you want more out of life?  Start by looking in the mirror.

Discipline and Planning

Do you ever wonder why so many people fail at dieting (myself included at times)?  Have you ever thought about how some people get everything done in a day, while others flounder and live in a constant state of frustration.  I had someone tell me the other day that they knew how to get achieve their goals, they just never seemed to be able to stick with the plan.  The more I observe people the more I realize that planning without discipline is an exercise in futility.

Now discipline is a hard commodity to keep in stock.  Many of us start out on a high note and end singing a sour tune.  Discipline is one of those “just do it” words, and some people are very good at it and others need help each day.  To be completely successful we need to be reminded of the value and importance of the goal at hand. That is where knowing our purpose becomes important.  “I want to lose 50 lbs to lower my blood pressure” may be a good purpose for someone who struggles with staying on task with a diet.  The purpose must be compelling enough to create motivation and resolve which will lead to discipline.

I had someone tell me all their goals one time.  He had career goals, family goals, personal goals and goals for his wife and kids individually and so on, very goal-oriented guy.  And yet he sat before me having achieved very few of his goals.  Someone had told him he had to set goals, but they left out the part about how to achieve a goal, the part about discipline.  It is not enough to merely want something, there must be a plan on how to get it and the motivation or the “why” of the goal.

Don’t blame the goal if it is not achieved, look to the plan and the discipline applied to the goal.  Don’t blame circumstances for lack of achievement, look to the discipline exerted in the direction of the goal.  What have you wanted to do, but just can’t seem to accomplish?  Rethink why you will achieve it and them create some habits that will give you the discipline to achieve your goal.  Your goals are waiting, time to step up!

You Gotta Have a Plan!

I was visiting with a friend the other day who was lamenting that he still had not finished his degree and he had  all kinds of reasons that seemed legitimate.  He had been laid off work for a while, he got married, started a new job, hated the new job and so on.  And now he said he had just given up because he never seems to make a dent in the credits he needs to graduate.   I have to admit he has had a few things push him off track, but giving up a goal should really not be an option.

I realize that not every goal we set for ourselves will work out the way we want it to, but many of us give up way to easily.   Many people never really had a plan to get to their goal so giving up comes pretty easy.  When one has a plan in place for achieving a goal, it is much easier to shift the plan than just give up.  The very act of creating the plan, puts the goal into focus and makes us want to achieve it even more.  It makes us feel like we already have the goal completed.

Having a goal is just the first step in achieving the goal.  Next one needs to put a date for achievement in place, then figure out the steps necessary to get to that achievement.  Breaking those steps into bite-sized- achieveable pieces puts the goal closer to one’s grasp.  Creating milestones is also a good idea.  Breaking the goal into equal parts and creating a celebration helps to keep the motivation going.  See what I mean, setting the goal is just the beginning.  We have to achieve it in our minds, then on paper, then in steps and soon it will be achieved.

So what is your goal, the one thing that keeps slipping through your fingers?  Maybe you need to lose weight, get fitter, get a degree, get a job, advance your career.  Whatever it is, it will always be a dream until you create a plan to achieve it.  I love to hear people’s dreams and goals, but I get excited about hearing the plan, because then I know it is possible.

A dream is good, but you gotta have a plan!  What’s yours?

Looking Ahead!

Many times people come to me with situations and problems that have happened to them in the past and they find it hard to move forward in life.  Maybe they have lost someone they cared about, perhaps they have moved and feel isolated or alone.  Sometimes they would like to change jobs or even career fields but they are stuck.  They come to me to help them get unstuck.  Many times they know what they need to do, they just need to have someone give them permission to move on, to push ahead.

So why is it so difficult to move ahead after crises or change?  The process of moving forward can be challenging, even frightening and many people find it difficult to move on alone.  We live in a very isolated society without the benefit of the same type of support system that our parents and grandparents enjoyed.

Like most of us the “stuff” that happens to us can hurt us, and in some cases, even cripple us.  Many times it is not a psychological issue as much as it is a looking back issue.  When things go wrong in our lives we tend to see the world through the problem instead of seeing the world just beyond of the problem.  We see ourselves as not strong enough to move forward, and so we linger, looking back at what was better and not realizing that what lies ahead can also be good.  We think good will never happen again, so we stop.

Sometimes staying in the past is just more comfortable.  We don’t have to see new people, make friends, learn new skills, it is just comfortable.  Staying stuck is just easier.  But if we are to find purpose in a life that has changed we must push through and pursue it.  Looking back to remember good times is fine as long as we don’t linger long enough to let it get us down.  Looking forward is hard, pressing on is difficult, but it will take us to higher places with new challenges and new memories to make.

Which direction are you looking?  Maybe it is time to look forward.

What’s Holding You Back

As a life coach one of the things I am often doing is trying to help my clients understand what might be holding them back for the success or goal they are trying to achieve.  It can be many things, and in many cases it is a life-long problem that the client is not able to see for themselves.  The journey is often revolutionary for people, because the smallest things can keep us from achieving success.

So you may be asking, “what holds people back”?  The first thing that I always look at is personality style.  It does not always hold all the answers but since each personality comes with its own set of weaknesses and strengths it is a good place to start.  To use myself as an example, I am a driver personality and although I don’t struggle with getting started and sticking to a plan, my personality is also by nature not really detail- oriented.  This fact has often kept me from seeing details that would affect the outcome of a project, and therefore would eventually derail my progress.  Other personalities struggle with fear or procrastination and these are two powerful components that keep people from achieving.

Other people really struggle with feelings of failure.  Perhaps they have had a history of failing at things and just can’t overcome the fact that they have some failures in the past.  For these people we really have to examine the anatomy of their past and determine the key to those feelings.

Some people just lack the knowledge for a specific task.  This often happens with many business coaching clients.  They understand the job they are doing, but lack the skills necessary to get the information out about their product or service.   They feel like failures as a whole because they just need help getting their product or service to market.

Still others have deep feelings of failure because of years of failure.  This client needs to thoroughly understand themselves and the reasons behind their failure.  These are the clients that may or may not need therapy.  If I feel that they need to see someone with those skills I generally will call in a therapist to work through those and other emotional issues.

So what is holding you back?  Do you have an idea or are you afraid to explore the possibilities?  Maybe you have experienced great success in many areas of your life but you want to go further.  Maybe you need to find balance to find success.  Sometimes discovering what holds you back can be the very thing that will propel you forward.  Begin your journey today, you never know where it will lead you.

Winning Personalities

We all know people that everyone seems to love.  They are warm and friendly, can tell great jokes and make everyone feel good.  We also know people who can drive us crazy because they just seem to have a way of getting under our skin.  Some people are masters at getting along with others and still others need to play in the sand box all by themselves.

Since it is difficult to change ourselves and impossible to change others, it would behoove us all to know a little about personalities.  Many years ago I undertook a study of personality styles, mostly so that I could get better at getting along with those people in my life who were (and still are) completely different from me.  As with anything in life, understanding often leads to acceptance.  We really can’t get along with others unless we learn to accept who they are and why they do the things they do.  Understanding each other also keeps us from doing things to other people that makes them angry.

For those of you who are thinking “I would just prefer to be myself and others can just get over it”, you can go down that road, but you may be traveling alone.  Taking time to understand and recognize the personality traits in others helps us to communicate with them in a way that gets our point across and does not create friction.  Some people need lots of information to make decisions, while others make quickly and easily, mostly on instinct. Knowing which person you are addressing makes your job easier if you are asking someone for a decision.

Understanding personality styles also help us understand ourselves and teaches us how to avoid mistakes that are inherent to our personality.  Since we all have strengths and weaknesses, we can enhance our strengths and find work and hobbies that utilize our strong side, and we can avoid the pitfalls that come with our weaknesses.

I am not suggesting that everyone needs a Ph. D. in this stuff, just enough information to make it easier for us to survive in the relationships that matter most to us.   Getting on well with others makes our journey through this life so much more pleasant.  Even if one only wants a few close friends, making them feel good because you understand them will make those relationships richer and deeper.

Take some time to learn about yourself and others.

Change is Good

Life can be so very mundane at times.  There are times when we have to address issues and problems, either at work or in our personal lives, but for the most part life is pretty much the same for most people.  You get up, go to work, come home, watch a little TV, help kids with homework and go to bed to start all over again the next day.

We keep doing the same things day-in-and-day-out.  Our life doesn’t change much and we don’t think about change much because we are comfortable.  We like our tidy little world and we don’t want to put our foot outside the blanket because the world can be cold.   We really never think about growth or development until something happens to make us uncomfortable.

I prefer to think about change before change is necessary.  It is a good idea to think about our lives  as a whole once in a while, just to see if we need to shake the cobwebs off of anything.  For instance, when was the last time you thought about your health and the changes you may need to make to stay healthy?  Or when was the last time you changed your exercise program.  When was the last time you reviewed your 401k or looked at your stock portfolio.

Things have a habit of changing on us at the worst possible time.  Making friends with change is important.  If you can make regular changes in your life all the time, you get used to change and then when big changes happen, they are not so shocking to your system.  When our children were small we didn’t allow anyone to sit in the same spot for dinner two nights in a row.  We wanted them to be comfortable with small changes so big changes were easier to adjust to.  And big changes always do come.

So change is good.  If you have trouble with change, it is a good idea to work on your change-making skills.  Start small, make baby changes at first.  But make some changes so you can get used to making them.  Change will make you more agile and flexible.  It will give you the edge over your co-workers and competitors and make you stronger.

Change is not to be feared.  Change is good.