What Do You Value?

When I talk to people about values during a goal-setting session, I often find their eyes glaze over.  I am sure they are thinking, “this is so irrelevant to my business or my life”.  However I will argue that setting goals without first understanding your own personal values, is like going skating without putting on your skates.  You can still plod along on the ice, but you will keep falling down.

To understand why knowing your values is so important to the coaching process, you need to have a clear understanding of what I mean by “values”.  My definition as a coach is “what are the principles that you will not back away from?”  What are the beliefs that you hold that make you act and react every single day.

To set goals that are clearly out of line with your values, creates a mental stress.  If you set a goal to be the top salesperson in your organization, but as a single parent you have responsibilities to your child and one of your highest values is building a strong parent-child relationship, you will spend a lot of time at odds with your goals.

Many people believe that the goal-setting process is simply figuring out what you want, deciding the steps to getting there and then writing them down and reading them everyday.  And while some of that is true, we need an anchor for goals in strong values, so they stay in line with what we are all about at the core.

As you think about what you want to achieve in life, remember to first think about what’s important to you, and then make sure that you don’t compromise your values to achieve your goals.  That way  when you get to the finish line, you will have remained true to you.

What’s On Your Mind?

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking about?  This year, in the US,  we have faced some very critical problems from financial issues to national safety and terrorism.  You would think that these deep weighty issues would make us a sober, serious group of people.  So just for fun I went to www.searchengineland.com and asked what are burning internet search questions were in 2009.  Here are the top 10 search questions.

1. How much should I weigh?
2. How do I get out of debt fast?
3. How do I get pregnant?
4. What is Twitter?
5. What is Miley Cyrus’ phone number?
6. What is the meaning of life?
7. When will the world end?
8. How long does marijuana stay in your system?
9. What are the symptoms of Swine Flu?
10. What time is it?

Now I will admit I have often wondered how much I should weigh, but I have never asked the internet.  I don’t have enough debt to need out fast although a lottery win would be nice and I definitely don’t want to get pregnant!  And I am sorry, “what is Twitter?”, really? It would be nice to talk to Miley but she is not the first on my list of people I would love to talk to, and I guess I know how people relieve stress with question number 8.  I think I googled number 9 once and I am sorry but if you can google “what time is it?” can’t you look at the little clock on your computer or maybe the same people googling number 8 also google number 10.

Numbers 6 and 7 were of particular interest to me. Whenever I write about purpose, those blogs are the most often read.  I think that deep inside of each of us there is a longing to know what the meaning of life is and whether or not our lives have purpose.  Most of the time we cover those questions with the peripherals of life that distract us from really pursuing our purpose or our passion.  It is easier to try and find Miley’s phone number that to search deep inside ourselves for the answers that could fulfill us and make our lives more meaningful.  So what’s on your mind right now and what is Twitter?

Are You Wearing Out?

In my line of work I generally run into people who are at the point of exhaustion from doing all they can to keep their job, manage their family, or build a business, or get through a divorce or family death or all of the above.  Life can be very challenging at times, and I must admit that as a small-business owner myself, I really understand that “alone” feeling that one can get in the early morning hours.  Getting up and getting going gets harder and harder, staying excited about one’s endeavors can sometimes seem more than humanly possible.

Compound those feelings with all the hype out their about people who struck it rich with some web site technique and the constant bombardment of ideas that will “just make your business explode” and you have a recipe for burn-out.

Perhaps your burn-out point is because you are looking for a new job or looking for a job period.  The rejection letters keep coming and the “no’s” keep ringing in your ears and you are just about ready to give up.

All of these activities take a lot away from one’s spirit.  All of the platitudes in the world will not make a difference to your situation, but understanding your own needs can be the key to making the kinds of changes you need that will keep you going just long enough for success to be within your grasp.

I like to help people learn about their own temperament, and almost always start with that study with my clients.  I do this because understanding yourself is the key to making the little “tweaks” in your daily life that will make all the difference in whether or not you succeed or fail at whatever you are doing.  If you want to figure out ways to energize your situation, look within at your own needs and start meeting them.  You will find that you will finally be able to tie a knot in that rope you’ve been hanging to and hang on just a little longer.

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear!

I spend a lot of time with people.  I like that.  I want people to feel comfortable and enjoy interacting with me.  I like exchanging  good ideas,  and creating new opportunities for myself and for others.   I always feel energized by others.  I am really comfortable with who I am and  I think everyone else should be also.

Sadly, I meet a lot of people who are looking to change who they are, mostly because they have not taken the time to really figure themselves out and embrace the great things that make them special.  Although most people don’t want to be unhappy, they often are because they have believed the bad press that others have tagged them with.

We all know that we tend to become what we believe we are and most of us have not been given a good image to start out life with.  We hear people tell us we are too short, too quirky, too quiet, too loud, not smart enough, cute enough or thin enough.  We all get messages thrown at us everyday that have no grounding in fact, but still lead us to believe lies about who we are and what we can become.

When I work with my clients I always begin with helping them understand who they really are and show them the potential that lies within each of us.  We all have strengths and weaknesses and every personality has the ability to do great things.  We just have to start by believing that we are important enough and good enough to go after the things we want.

So are you believing the press about you or are you rising above it, knowing that you are confident about what lies beneath.  Maybe it is time to stop believing the press and start becoming the person you were meant to become.

Pick Up a Shovel!

I recently finished teaching a seminar with a small group of people who wanted to explore the idea of self-understanding and  personal development.  This mostly “soft skills” seminar is always enlightening to participants and really gets them to thinking about how they are responsible for there own success or failure.  Getting in touch with one’s personality strengths and weaknesses and purpose is a powerful tool in creating greater success.  Once again, I was struck by how little time we give to really understanding ourselves and how we affect those around us.

In the four part series we take one session to examine the things that may be holding us back in both our personal and professional life.  Things like fear of change, indecision, being a bully, being too loud, demonstrating “know-it-all behavior and the like, all have a profound effect on how people view us and how we develop in our career.  Most of us go happily through life without ever taking stalk of the things that might hold us back from real success.

My point is that most of the people I worked with have been or are currently in the corporate arena and had all been exposed to various tests and activities that should help them explore the parts of themselves that could be capitalized for success and the parts that needed work.  However the tool that was missing was self-examination and drawing conclusions that would lead to change.

It is not always enough to know that there is a bump in the road to be avoided, sometimes we actually need to pick up a shovel and fill it in.  Hopefully you are aware of the bumps in your road, my question is do you have a shovel?  Take some time to take stock of what you know about yourself and ask the question “am I a friend or enemy to my success?  If the answer is “foe” than a shovel should be on your shopping list.

Make Your Life Better!

Are you one of those people who feels as though the best things in life are just beyond your reach?  You will never be at the top of any ladder, you will never have the biggest house, drive the best car or have the best relationships.  Your life will never be what you want it to be.  And to make you certain this is true, your track record has consistently demonstrated that you only have a moderate amount of success and then situations change or you get into a relationship and after awhile something goes wrong.  You have come to accept the facts as they are and you have decided this is just the way things will be for you.

Have you ever considered that maybe you could change some things about yourself that would make all the difference?  Have you ever tried asking other people what would get you to the next level?  As I help people identify their personality and it strengths and weaknesses I am always astounded by how people often fail recognize things about themselves that consistently hold them back from having the best life possible.

Things like fear of change, angry outbursts, lack of motivation, lack of self control and focus, fear of intimacy, and running rough shod over people have a profound affect on how people receive us.  And yet all of these things are within our power to change.  Although our general temperament traits are hard-wired and we really can’t change our personalities, understanding our personality and the weaknesses that hold us back can make a huge impact on moving us ahead in life both personally and professionally.

The converse can also be true, understanding exactly what your strengths are and then developing them can also provide valuable assistance in propelling yourself forward.  If you have never taken the time to understand your temperament visit my web site at www.refinedperspectives.com and click on personality test and start changing your life for the better.

Life does not have to be so difficult.  Your life can be richer and fuller, it just takes some understanding and a little discipline to get where you want to go.  Start enriching your life today!

Who Are You Really?

I am always amazed at how much better I feel when I get around other people. Whether it be for networking or socializing I get energized by people and I find that when I am stuck in my office trying to get things done I am really drained at the end of the day. But, even if I have to go to several events in a day that involve people I come home tired, but happy. This is definitely a function of my personality style and I know myself well enough to know that is I am feeling sad or upset it is just time to get out there and see some people.

You may be like my spouse who needs a lot of time alone to feel energized. He enjoys quiet evenings and weekends to be able to recharge his batteries. If he had a job like mine we would starve and he would be insane.

So what do you know about yourself? Do you understand what makes you tick, or do you feel frustrated by your moods and are unable to identify what lifts your spirits. Personality plays a big role in the choices we make for our lives and if we are not careful to understand who we are, and what our strengths allow us to do, we may well operate at the level of our weaknesses and get stuck in positions that don’t suit us.

Take time to really understand what make you unique, it will help you to treat yourself better, understand the kinds of things you need to do all the time to keep yourself fresh and alive, choose jobs suited for you, and even pick friends.  Self analysis can lead to some serious “ah-ha” moments for you as you travel on your journey to find purpose for your life.

The More You Know!

I had a cousin email me today to ask me all about my family medical history.  Since she had recently become ill, she was doing a genetic survey of all the ailments on our side of the family tree.  I dutifully filled out the information she asked for and hoped that it would help her find some of the answers she was seeking.

It got me to thinking about the past and wondering if we are doomed to repeat the same illnesses and failures of our ancestors or if we can somehow avoid them simply by being informed.  My guess is that there are some things that we can avoid like over weight and maybe lung cancer, if we don’t adopt the same habits of over eating and smoking as our parents may have had.  So it would follow learning a little about ourselves and our personal inclinations might also be good for the rest of our lives too.

Obviously there are things that we simply can’t control about ourselves, our height, eye color, shoe size and so on are pretty much etched in stone, but there are things about ourselves that we can improve with some knowledge.  If we can understand ourselves a little better, we may be able to use that information to make our futures a little brighter.  Although there are many things about us that are “hard-wired” so to speak, understanding and accepting them can produce some positive changes.

I encourage people to find out about their strengths and weaknesses and then understand how their personality affects their lives.  Does your shyness help you in your work and social life or do you feel hindered by who you are?  Does your aggressive nature make people want to work with you?  Do you feel like others always seem to get ahead and you are ignored.  Have you every examined your personality lately and looked at the wonderful strengths you have and examined how your weaknesses might be holding you back?

Like my cousin, I believe that knowledge is a powerful tool in life and if you can figure some things out about yourself that will make your life better, maybe it is time to go on a little journey of self exploration.  To get started, figure out your personality.  You can go to my web site and do that for free.  The more you know, the more you can control.  Knowledge is power, get more powerful!

Are You Getting Your Message Across?

So many factors go into effective communication.  Some people are gifted communicators who get their message to their audience to the point that people will pay to hear them speak.  While others struggle to make themselves clear on the simplest of topics.  Many factors effect communication; command of language, tone of voice, facial expression, eye contact, confidence and understanding of the subject matter being discussed, to name just a few.   Some people may lack the ability to communicate in person, but have exceptional writing skills, and others are just good at it all.  There are also people who communicate well in their vocation, but their personal relationships are not so lucky.

If you are in sales or in some other type of work that is dependent on good communication skills it is important to know how to get your message across effectively.   Good communication really starts with you.   Understanding your personal style of communicating will go a long way toward helping you see just how people perceive you.   This can help you change any mannerisms, verbal expressions, habits or phrases that might be barriers for you in helping people understand you and your product.

Another important factor, particularly in communicating one-on-one with your clients is understanding how they want to hear your message.  Being able to quickly assess your listeners personality style will help you frame your message so they can understand it.  Many people frame information to their listeners in the same way they want to hear it, discounting the needs of their listener.  Since each personality wants to receive information differently, having some insights into personality will assist the communicator in getting the message across effortlessly.

For instance, my personality style is predominately choleric – the driver personality.  When I sit across from a sales person I want my information to be succinct and clear.  I don’t like extraneous, useless information I just want the facts.  I make decisions fairly quickly and do so based on the facts at hand.  My husband is predominately phlegmatic and he wants lots of information and he needs time to consider every piece of it.  If you don’t give him enough information, he simple won’t respond with an answer.  Two very different people who need to receive information completely differently.  Neither is right or wrong, just different.  The communicator with the most knowledge of personality style will have a definite advantage.

Please do not confuse this type of communication as manipulation.  It only makes sense that considering others and their needs makes one better at anything they do, and communication is no different.  Using this information can help not only in sales, but it gives us an edge in successful interpersonal relationships.  When my husband and I try to make decisions together, even though I can make decisions pretty quickly, it does not bother me in the least that my husband looks at all information available and then takes time to make decisions.  Since I know that this makes him feel more confident about his decisions, I am able to feel confident that he has examined all the choices and his decisions are sound.  If I did not understand how different personalities functioned it could easily drive me crazy, or make me feel at though he is resisting decision-making, when that is not the case at all.

Good communication also involves active listening skills.  Many times not speaking is the most effective way of communicating.  Letting your listener express their needs gives you an opportunity make sure you will give the listener the information they need.  Whether you are trying to make a sale, get the boss to give you a raise or trying to get consensus on a committee, listening is a valuable skill.

Give your listeners some feedback to ensure that you understand their needs.  Because there are many distractions around us in any conversation, it is easy to hear the words but not understand the message.  Giving our listener some feedback as to what they want, will go a long way in making sure your message gets through the first time.

Most of us may not need to have the communication skills of a world leader, but learning how to make others understand us will help in every area of our lives.  Being able to communicate effectively, with our friends, family and co-workers with increase confidence and make our relationships deeper and richer.  So, are you getting your message across?  Maybe it is time to polish our skills.