Are You a Finisher?

In work and in life it is not always enough just to get started.  The first day of a diet, exercise plan, or resolve to change anything in one’s life is usually pretty easy.  You wake up, and “this is the first day of the rest of your life”, right!  Easy, you can do this, this time it will be different.  “I am in control.”  About mid way through the day, someone throws you a new dead line for a project, you lose a deal, something that you thought was a sure thing – isn’t.  But you are still okay, no need to turn to the old habit, you can handle this.  Life happens, no biggy, right?

After a few days and a few more disappointments, the vigor of the first day starts to wear a little thin.  Let’s face it, you lose, that is what you do, so why continue with the resolve to change.  Slowly you give in to your defeated feelings and by the end of the week it is all over, time to quit.

This same scenario can apply to something you are trying to achieve.  Maybe you are building a business, starting a charity, creating a new life for yourself.  You start strong, and the resolve lasts for a while and then you give up, “this can never work”, “what was I thinking?”  “I can’t achieve big things”.  And so the dream ends.

The difference between you and those that seem to “get lucky” and make it, is not that they are smarter, faster, have more money, or better connections.  The difference is that they just keep trying and ultimately they finish what they start.  Oh it may not look exactly as they thought it would in the beginning, but none-the-less they finish.  When they run into obstacles, they are just as disappointed as you, but instead of stopping, they just get up and go around, or over, or under the obstacle.

So how is such tenacity born?  Tenacity comes from inside of you.  It is learning to believe in what you are trying to accomplish and seeing yourself achieving it.  Tenacity comes from thinking positively and then speaking positively.  It comes from learning how to control your thinking, so that the urge to quit never enters your mind.

No mater what you are trying to accomplish, starting is not enough.  In order to live your dreams you must learn to become a finisher.  Start with the small stuff.  Finish that report, that book, or finish cleaning up the office.  Finish writing your resume, finish those phone calls.  Finishing is just as important as starting, and it feels even better.

What Do People Like About You?

While listening to one of my news shows this morning (yes, I am a news junky) I heard one commentator say that a politician has to do two things to be successful.  They have to first get people to like them, and then they have to get those same people to act on that emotion and go and vote for them.  As I thought about that, I realized that this is not unlike those of us who must network to get the message out about our product or service.  First we have to get people to like us and then we have to get them to act on that feeling and give us a referral.  Sort of makes one feel a little creepy to know that we are all like politicians, but that aside, let’s think about how we get people to like us.

Whether someone likes us or not depends on what they know about us, but more importantly, what we know about ourselves.  Do you know what it is that makes people like you?  I know, you are nice, pleasant, make eye contact, have a firm handshake, wear your name tag on the right side of your lapel and you smile a lot and give the occasional referral, but beyond that what is at the core of why people like you.  Can you articulate what it is about you that attracts people to you?  Are people attracted to you?  If you met you at a meeting, would you come over and talk to you?

Unlike politicians, we cannot “invent” our image.  It must be real, because, as we know, politicians make people like them every 2 or 3 years and the rest of the time they get to be themselves.  As business owners, we need people to like us, trust us and want to do business with us all the time.  It is important for each of us to look critically at ourselves and figure out those qualities that best define us and then allow those qualities to shine at networking events and with our clients.  If you are strong and assertive, use those traits to lead and direct, people like leaders.  If you are quiet and detail oriented use those traits to engage in support and serving on committees that keep things growing, people love people who can be depended upon.  If you are fun and love people, use those skills to connect new people to events and other people, everyone loves connectors.  Whatever your skills and gifts are, use them and highlight them so that you become known for those traits.

I have worked with lots and lots of people, helping them find their core strengths and I can tell you there I have never worked with a single person who does not have some fabulous strength that needs to be highlighted.  So what do people like about you?  If you don’t know, start asking your friends, employees, co-workers and acquaintances.  Once you get a good idea, start using your assets to build those relationships that make people act on what they like about you.

Hard Work and Dedication

I have spent the last several days watching the Olympics.  Of course being a transplanted Canadian living in Texas, with an American citizenship, it is just a little difficult to figure out who to cheer for at times, but I have my favorites on both teams.  I was excited to see Bilodeau win the first gold medal on Canadian soil and equally excited to see Apollo Ono win silver.  I love the Olympics because it brings out the best and the brightest in all the world to compete for gold and make their dreams come true.

They all have one thing in common.  They worked extraordinarily hard to get to the games.  Whether they win a medal or not, they spent the last four years perfecting, planning, practicing, dreaming, doing, sacrificing and rehearsing until they are at the top of their sport.  They are the best they can be at this point.  They are ready to compete.  We all understand that.  We are astounded at the dedication these people have to their dream.  We hang on, and cry over, every personal story of the athletes as they tell us what it took to get to these Olympics.  And what it took was lots and lots of hard work and dedication.  The kind of hard work and dedication that many of us will never have to put forth in our lives.  The kind of hard work and dedication that it takes to be extraordinary.

So why is it that, while we fully acknowledge that hard work and dedication bring about great reward, most of us still think that there is a quick and easy way to get to the top and make lots of money.  Why do so many of us think that some internet scheme or affiliate program is going to make us millions.  Why, because most of us want to take a short cut to success.  We don’t want to believe that the people that make the money and have successful businesses, had to work hard at all.  We don’t want to believe that we have to sacrifice and work hard, we want it to be easy.

We all need to take a page out of the Olympian play book and realize that whatever we chose to do in this life will have its obstacles.  There will be days when we soar and other days when we are sore!  But through it all, if we keep our goals in front of us and keep working our plan, we will make it to whatever podium we are dreaming about.   The trick is to stay focused and not get distracted by all those people who want us to take an easier road.  Because in the end, all of life requires hard work and dedication to finish well.  Do you want to finish well?  Don’t be afraid of the work, it will make the podium seem even sweeter!

What Would You Change?

Let me ask you one question?  If money were no object and you knew you could not fail, what one thing would you change about your life?

I am really not trying to stir up discontent, but I have found that this question often gets people thinking about how comfortable they are, and about what they could do to make their lives just a little more fulfilling.  You see I think that left to our own devices we like to be complacent.  We like to live our quiet routines without having to move to far to the left or right of our comfort zones.  We don’t like the inconvenience of having to make adjustments for others or giving up time or treasure to altruism.  In short, most of us are a little selfish.

Most of us tend to be consumed with making our lives work out for the best.  Few of us ever challenge ourselves in a way that might jeopardize our comfort.  Yes we all need to make a living and support our families, but there are hours in the day that we use solely to recover from the mind-numbing boredom of keeping the machine that is our lives, moving forward.

So, if you could, what would you change?  If you changed that one thing, would it benefit you or someone else?  If you could do anything you wanted to do, what would it be?  Would you change the choices that you have made to reflect a different life for yourself and for others.  Would you change careers, move to a new town,  get a degree, take up running, what would you do?

Whatever that one thing is, take some steps toward it.  Think about ways to make it part of your daily routine.  Shake up your life a little.  Maybe you can’t afford to change your entire life, and maybe you can’t trade in your desk job for a park ranger’s job, but maybe there are ways to just shift your existence a little.

Why am I talking about change?  Because even though we don’t like to change our routine, many of us live our entire lives in quiet desperation, feeling trapped, alone and powerless to make the necessary changes to move toward hope and happiness.  I believe that within each of us is the power to change and since we do control our thinking and our actions, are the only things we can change.

Now, I ask, not what would you change, but what can you change?  Do you have the courage to change what you can?  Step out and change one thing you can, and then another and another…

What Are You Hoping For?

Hope is a word that holds much promise.  We hope for the best, hope for a better job, hope our children will turn out okay, hope that the car will start in sub zero weather, hope for a promotion, hope for change.  In fact. our president ran on a platform of “hope”.  As humans we want to always believe that things will turn out in the end.  We want things to change for us, so we hope for change.

The problem in life is that we often need to do more than just hope.  Hoping is not alway enough to create change.  Now certainly there are times when all we can do is hope.  If your child is sick in the hospital, you must trust the doctors to do their job and then hope is all that is left.  If your son or daughter is in a foreign land fighting to maintain freedom, you must trust God and hope she will be fine.  However, in much of life we can do more than hope.

If you are looking for a better job, hoping is not enough.  You may need to improve your skills, or advance your education.  Perhaps you are like a lot of parents and you “hope” your kids will stay away from drugs and out of trouble.  Hope is not enough, you must spend time with them, cultivate relationships that make them “think” before they take wrong actions.

The best thing about hope is that it can sustain us during hard times, but the bad thing about hope is that it is not enough to effect change on its own.  Hoping for something better is only the first step to getting something better.  After hope must come planning and designing that “something better”, then comes the action of making hope a reality.  What are you hoping for today, and what are you doing to make your hope real?

Be Still

We all have our own way of handling uncertainty, indecision and even crisis.  There is, built into all of us, a method by which we cope with all the things that life throws at us.  I remember when my mother passed away, well before her age indicated that it was her time, I just kept busy.  I needed to move and do things, because I have a “doing personality”.  For others, there is the need to contemplate, to remember and still others seemingly fall apart, but even that is a way of coping.  Rarely, do people ever deal with problems and questions or even crisis, by becoming still.  Most of us feel the need to react, to grow, to change to do something.  However, doing something is not always the answer.

I find that, particularly when decisions and choices weigh heavily on my mind, being still and silent are far more valuable then any of my “doing and trying”.  There is something powerful, even profound,  in the act of stillness.  The acknowledgment that I am not in control, frees my mind and makes me let go of the temporal that I think I control.  It reminds me that in spite of the value that I often place on my own resources, in the end the outcomes are in the hands of one greater and wiser.  I need to lean into that more often.

That stillness awakens other possibilities.  By letting go and being still, the ideas and options that the hurried, busy mind have no time for, slowly emerge to help solve problems.  When we let go of our own will, we are free to be inspired by others.

The stillness also brings peace.  In stillness we are open to the voice that we cannot hear when we are rushing around trying to order our world our way.  Because God rarely speaks in loud places and does not appear on prime time, we never get to hear Him except when we are still.  His voice brings peace and assurance of the best outcome for our problems.

In my mind’s eye, I see my stillness as sitting alone in a green pasture, by calm, still waters, with animals and flowers all around me.  For you it may be in a dark corner of a library with a good book, or a quiet coffee shop or even a mountain top.  But whatever your stillness is in your mind, go there often.  Be still and wait for answers and inspiration.  Don’t be afraid that your absence will cause the world to stop, it won’t.  I have found that even if, in my stillness I find no answers, the problems I come back to are never as large as I thought.

Whatever your problems are, being still will bring them into clear focus and help you to find the answers you seek.  Be still…

Encourage Someone Today!

Life can be a very lonely place at times.  We go through so much and no one ever really knows about it.  We wear our happy little smiles but rarely do most people feel as good as they are trying to appear.  That is why one really good way to make yourself actually feel great, is to encourage someone else.

Think of all the faces that you see every day.  The person who serves your coffee at Starbucks, the gal who brings you your sandwich at the lunch counter, the UPS guy who runs around your building delivering stuff, and the person at the drive-thru window at Wendy’s or your bank.  All of these people are sharing space on the planet with you and many of them could use a little encouragement.

You might be asking, “why should I bother, they don’t make an effort to encourage me?”.  Remember, givers gain, if you start to give encouragement you will get it back.  But someone has to start.  Why not tell the receptionist in the doctor’s office how nice she looks, or thank the UPS guy for always taking good care of your packages.  Tell somebody that you appreciate what they do and pretty soon, people will begin to see you as someone they want to be around because you are an encourager.  And that’s not all, you will feel pretty good too.  When you compliment others they smile, and you smile and soon everyone is smiling and smiling is just good medicine.

Think about who you can encourage today.

What Do You Value?

When I talk to people about values during a goal-setting session, I often find their eyes glaze over.  I am sure they are thinking, “this is so irrelevant to my business or my life”.  However I will argue that setting goals without first understanding your own personal values, is like going skating without putting on your skates.  You can still plod along on the ice, but you will keep falling down.

To understand why knowing your values is so important to the coaching process, you need to have a clear understanding of what I mean by “values”.  My definition as a coach is “what are the principles that you will not back away from?”  What are the beliefs that you hold that make you act and react every single day.

To set goals that are clearly out of line with your values, creates a mental stress.  If you set a goal to be the top salesperson in your organization, but as a single parent you have responsibilities to your child and one of your highest values is building a strong parent-child relationship, you will spend a lot of time at odds with your goals.

Many people believe that the goal-setting process is simply figuring out what you want, deciding the steps to getting there and then writing them down and reading them everyday.  And while some of that is true, we need an anchor for goals in strong values, so they stay in line with what we are all about at the core.

As you think about what you want to achieve in life, remember to first think about what’s important to you, and then make sure that you don’t compromise your values to achieve your goals.  That way  when you get to the finish line, you will have remained true to you.

What’s On Your Mind?

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking about?  This year, in the US,  we have faced some very critical problems from financial issues to national safety and terrorism.  You would think that these deep weighty issues would make us a sober, serious group of people.  So just for fun I went to www.searchengineland.com and asked what are burning internet search questions were in 2009.  Here are the top 10 search questions.

1. How much should I weigh?
2. How do I get out of debt fast?
3. How do I get pregnant?
4. What is Twitter?
5. What is Miley Cyrus’ phone number?
6. What is the meaning of life?
7. When will the world end?
8. How long does marijuana stay in your system?
9. What are the symptoms of Swine Flu?
10. What time is it?

Now I will admit I have often wondered how much I should weigh, but I have never asked the internet.  I don’t have enough debt to need out fast although a lottery win would be nice and I definitely don’t want to get pregnant!  And I am sorry, “what is Twitter?”, really? It would be nice to talk to Miley but she is not the first on my list of people I would love to talk to, and I guess I know how people relieve stress with question number 8.  I think I googled number 9 once and I am sorry but if you can google “what time is it?” can’t you look at the little clock on your computer or maybe the same people googling number 8 also google number 10.

Numbers 6 and 7 were of particular interest to me. Whenever I write about purpose, those blogs are the most often read.  I think that deep inside of each of us there is a longing to know what the meaning of life is and whether or not our lives have purpose.  Most of the time we cover those questions with the peripherals of life that distract us from really pursuing our purpose or our passion.  It is easier to try and find Miley’s phone number that to search deep inside ourselves for the answers that could fulfill us and make our lives more meaningful.  So what’s on your mind right now and what is Twitter?

What’s Your Time Management Like?

Many people think of time management as making lists and checking off tasks.  But it really is much more than that.  Time management is really understanding how you spend your time and then learning how to budget it more wisely.  If we would think of time in the same way we think of our money we would realize that, like our money, it will eventually run out.  If you want to get things accomplished in life, you must learn to budget your time.

How much time to you waste looking for things you have misplaced?  How much time do you waste looking for things you thought you filed?  Do you waste time waiting for children to be done an activity because it costs to much to drive back and forth?  Are their pockets of time in your day that you can reclaim?

The first step in good time management is to figure out where your time is going currently.  I tell clients to take a one week segment and carry a notebook with them at all times to write down what they do all day.  Make note of everything, from getting up and getting ready for work or the day to brushing your teeth and hitting the pillow at night.  This information is often a revelation to people, most of us have no idea how much time we waste doing unnecessary things.

I challenge you to take the test!  See exactly where your time goes.  For time management tips check out my web site at www.refinedperspectives.com