Are You a Finisher?

In work and in life it is not always enough just to get started.  The first day of a diet, exercise plan, or resolve to change anything in one’s life is usually pretty easy.  You wake up, and “this is the first day of the rest of your life”, right!  Easy, you can do this, this time it will be different.  “I am in control.”  About mid way through the day, someone throws you a new dead line for a project, you lose a deal, something that you thought was a sure thing – isn’t.  But you are still okay, no need to turn to the old habit, you can handle this.  Life happens, no biggy, right?

After a few days and a few more disappointments, the vigor of the first day starts to wear a little thin.  Let’s face it, you lose, that is what you do, so why continue with the resolve to change.  Slowly you give in to your defeated feelings and by the end of the week it is all over, time to quit.

This same scenario can apply to something you are trying to achieve.  Maybe you are building a business, starting a charity, creating a new life for yourself.  You start strong, and the resolve lasts for a while and then you give up, “this can never work”, “what was I thinking?”  “I can’t achieve big things”.  And so the dream ends.

The difference between you and those that seem to “get lucky” and make it, is not that they are smarter, faster, have more money, or better connections.  The difference is that they just keep trying and ultimately they finish what they start.  Oh it may not look exactly as they thought it would in the beginning, but none-the-less they finish.  When they run into obstacles, they are just as disappointed as you, but instead of stopping, they just get up and go around, or over, or under the obstacle.

So how is such tenacity born?  Tenacity comes from inside of you.  It is learning to believe in what you are trying to accomplish and seeing yourself achieving it.  Tenacity comes from thinking positively and then speaking positively.  It comes from learning how to control your thinking, so that the urge to quit never enters your mind.

No mater what you are trying to accomplish, starting is not enough.  In order to live your dreams you must learn to become a finisher.  Start with the small stuff.  Finish that report, that book, or finish cleaning up the office.  Finish writing your resume, finish those phone calls.  Finishing is just as important as starting, and it feels even better.

What’s On Your Mind?

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking about?  This year, in the US,  we have faced some very critical problems from financial issues to national safety and terrorism.  You would think that these deep weighty issues would make us a sober, serious group of people.  So just for fun I went to www.searchengineland.com and asked what are burning internet search questions were in 2009.  Here are the top 10 search questions.

1. How much should I weigh?
2. How do I get out of debt fast?
3. How do I get pregnant?
4. What is Twitter?
5. What is Miley Cyrus’ phone number?
6. What is the meaning of life?
7. When will the world end?
8. How long does marijuana stay in your system?
9. What are the symptoms of Swine Flu?
10. What time is it?

Now I will admit I have often wondered how much I should weigh, but I have never asked the internet.  I don’t have enough debt to need out fast although a lottery win would be nice and I definitely don’t want to get pregnant!  And I am sorry, “what is Twitter?”, really? It would be nice to talk to Miley but she is not the first on my list of people I would love to talk to, and I guess I know how people relieve stress with question number 8.  I think I googled number 9 once and I am sorry but if you can google “what time is it?” can’t you look at the little clock on your computer or maybe the same people googling number 8 also google number 10.

Numbers 6 and 7 were of particular interest to me. Whenever I write about purpose, those blogs are the most often read.  I think that deep inside of each of us there is a longing to know what the meaning of life is and whether or not our lives have purpose.  Most of the time we cover those questions with the peripherals of life that distract us from really pursuing our purpose or our passion.  It is easier to try and find Miley’s phone number that to search deep inside ourselves for the answers that could fulfill us and make our lives more meaningful.  So what’s on your mind right now and what is Twitter?

Nothing Comes Easy!

Don’t you just get excited about those stories that you hear on the morning talk shows about those people who did something amazing?  Shows like the “Biggest Loser” and “The Amazing Race” are so popular because people achieve things that seem impossible.  We all wish we could achieve things that seem impossible.

We all have things in our lives that seem impossible.  Maybe right now you are out of a job and the chances of you getting one you want seem impossible.  Or perhaps you started a business and  it just seems like success is way out of your reach.  Have you been struggling with a weight problem or addiction and it just seems like you will never overcome?  What is the difference between you and the people we see on T.V.?  What makes them so special, why to they achieve the goal?  I have learned that the difference is that they DECIDED they were going to achieve their goal.  That’s right, in many cases a decision is what stands between you and achievement.  The people who reach their goals give themselves no other options, they make a decision to achieve.  They count the cost and they decide it is worth the effort.

The decision does not make the goal any easier.  The same obstacles are still there, you still have to do what it takes each day to get the job done.  The difference is that once you make the DECISION the exit doors have been closed.

So what are the things that you want to achieve today?.  Are they really hard?  Are you up for the challenge?  Can you make the decision?  All those folks we see on the morning shows faced many obstacles, got up early, hit the gym, ran the race, talked to one more person, what ever their goal required.  They sweat, they cried, and felt like quitting, but they got up every morning because they decided to do so.  And one day they woke up and they had achieved their goal.  What will you wake up to tomorrow?  Wake up a winner!

Focus, Focus, Focus!

I remember when I was in high school I had a teacher who always inspired me to do better.  It is always nice to have someone in your life who makes you feel like you can reach beyond what you think you can.  Mr. Ried was that person for me.

Mr. Reid always encouraged me to focus, even on the things I would rather not focus on.  It was easy to focus on literature, social studies, history, even geometry, physics and chemistry, but Algebra that was different.  I hated it, and the feeling was mutual.  I saw no reason for it and I did not want to waste my youth thinking about it.  But he taught me that focusing on the things I hated to do actually made them easier.  I always passed Algebra, and even though I did not develop a life-long love for the subject I can still think through it if I have to.  That is because I disciplined myself to focus on it.

That lesson is translated today into many things I really don’t enjoy doing but have to be done.  It also translates into my work.  I have learned the discpline of focus and how to decide what to focus on and it makes a big difference in my life.

Many of my clients often find focus very difficult.  For various reasons in our jobs it is often difficult to find the few things that will create change and focus on them.   Due in part to the busyness of life and the many options we have to create success, focus is difficult to come by.  Many things will produce results in business, few things will produce great results, and even fewer things will create the results we are looking for.  The trick is to find those things that will produce the best results and then stay focused on them no matter how shiney the other objects are around us.

Success comes to those who stay focused on the plan longer than anyone around them.  Are you that focused today?

Clearing the Clutter in Your Mind

About nine months ago my husband and I moved from a house we had lived in almost fifteen years and even though we didn’t move far, we had a lot of accumulated “stuff” and it seemed like a lot of work.  I have been told that you can whittle down your belonging to the things that you really need by moving three times or having a fire. Since I was not interested in a fire, I thought I should judiciously make sure I didn’t take things along we didn’t need or use.  We managed to fit what was left in the new house, vowing of course, not to collect more “stuff” in the future.

I feel that way sometimes about my mind.  I often find it hard to focus on the important things in life because my mind gets cluttered with the messiness of daily living.  There are times when I would love to be more creative but my mind is filled “to do” lists, ideas yet to be developed, things to write, people to see, all kinds of things just float around in my head and make me kind of foggy and I can float through the days stepping over things in my mind that I can’t get to yet.

My answer to the problem is to do what I call a “mind dump”.  I will sit down in front of my computer and just write down everything I am thinking about.  All the ideas for articles, presentations and blogs, then the “to do’s” I never seem to add to my list, that list of names of people I want to visit with that keeps floating around in my mind with no particular place to land, the cards and notes I need to send and so on.  Then, if they are important enough, I incorporate them into my daily/weekly/monthly plan.

It feels great to have those things off my mind, even though they are not yet done, they are in the plan.  It is actually a little energizing.  This exercise can be done whenever you feel weighed down by your thoughts.  When you find yourself saying “oh I have to remember to…” that is a good time for a “mind dump”.

Make Your Life Better!

Are you one of those people who feels as though the best things in life are just beyond your reach?  You will never be at the top of any ladder, you will never have the biggest house, drive the best car or have the best relationships.  Your life will never be what you want it to be.  And to make you certain this is true, your track record has consistently demonstrated that you only have a moderate amount of success and then situations change or you get into a relationship and after awhile something goes wrong.  You have come to accept the facts as they are and you have decided this is just the way things will be for you.

Have you ever considered that maybe you could change some things about yourself that would make all the difference?  Have you ever tried asking other people what would get you to the next level?  As I help people identify their personality and it strengths and weaknesses I am always astounded by how people often fail recognize things about themselves that consistently hold them back from having the best life possible.

Things like fear of change, angry outbursts, lack of motivation, lack of self control and focus, fear of intimacy, and running rough shod over people have a profound affect on how people receive us.  And yet all of these things are within our power to change.  Although our general temperament traits are hard-wired and we really can’t change our personalities, understanding our personality and the weaknesses that hold us back can make a huge impact on moving us ahead in life both personally and professionally.

The converse can also be true, understanding exactly what your strengths are and then developing them can also provide valuable assistance in propelling yourself forward.  If you have never taken the time to understand your temperament visit my web site at www.refinedperspectives.com and click on personality test and start changing your life for the better.

Life does not have to be so difficult.  Your life can be richer and fuller, it just takes some understanding and a little discipline to get where you want to go.  Start enriching your life today!

Taking Responsibility

The story is told of a young women who is bright, talented, smart, advantaged and on drugs.  She has one parent who cares about her and another parent buried in work, barely ever pausing to look up and see how she is doing.  So to cope with this lack of parental attention she does drugs.  Every weekend she spends with friends partying, getting drunk, doing drugs, sleeping around and all because someone doesn’t care about her.

She gets caught with drugs in her car and is sent to jail.  There she sits blaming the world, telling everyone she can see that her Dad doesn’t care about her problems and that her life is just too difficult.

Fast forward ten years and we see this same girl with a college degree and working for an architectural firm working her way to the top of the ladder.  She has a nice home, a great husband and she is successful.  So what changed?  Did a night in jail have such a profound affect on her that she decided she better get her act together?  Did her father wake up and smell the coffee and decide to “man-up” and be a parent?  Did her mother love her even more so that she was able to move through her pain and use it for success?  No not really!

What changed was what was inside her.  She decided to stop blaming the world and her parents for everything that was bad about her life.  She determined that if she was going to have a chance at a decent life she was going to have to stop blaming the world at large for her problems and begin to look inside at the things that were holding her back.  She would have to take responsibility for her own life, and confront the weakness inside herself that lead to destructive behavior.

We all have within us the ability to look critically at ourselves and confront the things that constantly thwart our success.  For some it is their own arrogance, for others it is anger and still others it is fear.  Whatever the multitude of things that can hold us back also keeps us from moving forward with success.  We all must recognize it, own it and conquer it.  We all must take responsibility for those things that hold us back.

Who are you blaming today for your problems?  Look in the mirror and start changing that person, because in the end that is the only person you have the power to change.

The Art of Networking

I have been spending a lot of time “networking” the last few weeks.  As I reflect back on the many conversations I have had, I realize that good conversation can often be hard to find.  In a world that is replete with communications devices and gadgets most of us still know very little about each other, and even worse, many people just don’t know how to engage others in a conversation.

Now I know that “networking” for business is fraught with pitfalls if one is looking for real conversation.  After all most of us have been taught the art of the thirty-second elevator speech, which tells us how to convey everything we want people to know about our business in thirty seconds.  Hardly a good way to get to know people.  However, if I am going to do business with someone or refer my friends, family and clients to them, I want to know what kind of person I am really dealing with.

If you have to “network” to enhance your business contacts or you just want to meet people, here are a few tips that I have put together based on observations I have made from the most impressive networkers I have met.

1.  Be interested in others – Don’t just pretend to be interested in what others are saying to you.  Develop a genuine interest in others.  Make a habit of leaving any gathering knowing something new about someone in the room.

2.  Let others speak first – In most networking groups there is opportunity to mix and mingle, and most people are very nervous about how they present themselves.  The most seasoned networkers will let others speak first.  This puts others at ease and conveys interest in them and what they do.

3.  Smile a lot – People are drawn to someone who is smiling and seems friendly, if you want to meet a lot of people, smile.

4.  Ask questions – Asking questions gives people a chance to really explain what they do and helps them talk clearly and concisely about what they are most passionate about.

5.  Find out what kind of clients they work with most -  This gives you information about how you might be able to refer them or their service and lets them know you intend to refer them if possible.

6.  Make eye contact – When you make eye contact it shows interest and keeps you focused on what they are saying.

7.  Have an attitude of giving – When you go into any networking setting, whether business or social, make the event about how you can help others and people will be drawn to you.  When you put others first, it always comes back to you, since people want to be generous to those who have been generous to them.

8.  Ask for one-to-one meetings – This is the best form of networking, since this allows you to speak with someone over a cup of coffee and find out more about their business.  It also allows you to really share how your business could benefit them or someone they know.  A few minutes over coffee can create many powerful alliances that can be profitable both for parties.

9.  Relax – The more relaxed the more approachable you are.

10. Stay well read on current events – Since no one wants to talk about business all the time, having other topics of interest to talk about can make time spent with people you don’t know well much easier to navigate.

11. Turn off your phone or pager – This shows respect to others and conveys the message that what they have to say is important to you.

12. Don’t give unsolicited advice -  Many people tell us their problems but don’t want us to solve them, so don’t give advice unless you are asked to do so.

Good listening, respect for others, willingness to put others first, and a relaxed, smiling face make you someone many people will want to meet.  Remember to have fun and enjoy the opportunity.