But I Read it on the Internet!

I recently read a study conducted at the University of Connecticut to determine how much people trusted what they read on the Internet. Researchers created a factitious web site about a factitious animal (endangered tree octopus in the Pacific Northwest) and then asked the students to research the animal and waited to see if they found the web site they planted and if they would critically think about what they read or take it as truth.

So what did the students do, well you guessed it, they not only believed the information on the bogus site, they even believed it after they were told it was bogus.

The professor concluded that even though most people say they don’t believe everything they find on the Internet, they really do. He also concluded that we are losing our critical thinking skills because of the prolific use of the Internet as a research tool.

The bottom line is that there is some good information on the web, but don’t throw away your library card just yet, because there is an equal amount of nonsense written by folks with an opinion that is not grounded in fact.

Gordon Crovitz summarized all this in a recent column:
“The Web promotes personalization that can become fragmentation;
creates information abundance that can become information overload; allows for creativity of amateurs while undermining the business models of professionals; and enables the wisdom of crowds
that can result in the stupidity of the lowest common denominator.” (Gordon Crovitz, “Is technology good or bad? Yes.” © WSJ)

With the easy availability of more information than ever before it is vitally important that we all hone our critical thinking skills lest we all be swept away by the “stupidity of the lowest common denominator”. Not only is information easy to access, it is also easy to create. Be careful of the voices you listen to online because that “expert” may simply be self-proclaimed with no credentials other than that he or she is simply online.

I fear that the more we begin to trust online sources the less we will trust our common sense and critical thinking skills. If we cease to question what we read, we lose our own instincts and ability discern truth from fiction and even right from wrong. Learn to look for proof because just as everything you hear is not true, neither is everything you read online.

To read about the study go to http://blog.mysanantonio.com/education/2011/02/tree-octopus-exposes-internet-illiteracy/

Discipline

What do you think of when you hear the word discipline?  Let’s face it, discipline is not that popular a word these days?  It conjures up in us a feeling that there will be work involved and it will be painful.  Discipline is not something we see a lot of around us.  Discipline can also have a connection to punishment, like when we were children our parents would “discipline” us “for our own good”.  So most of us don’t want to think about discipline.

However, discipline is an important part of everyday life.  We actually discipline ourselves quite well in many areas.  For instance, most of us get to work on time every day, we do our jobs in a reasonable manner, we pick the kids up from school, make meals, make our beds (well most of us do), clean our homes and so on.  It seems the disciplines of day-to-day life seem to accepted by most folks.  It is only when discipline stretches us that we tend to rebel a little.

For instance, your doctor tells you that you need to change your diet, lose some weight and start walking to bring down your cholesterol numbers.  Suddenly discipline looks a lot bigger and you can hardly find time to fit in more activities and the daily discipline of changing your diet seems a ridiculous request.  And what for?  To prevent a problem that you may or may not have.  You make a half effort to do a little of what the doctor says, but never really get serious about disciplining yourself out of a potential problem.  Perhaps the stakes are not quite high enough. Maybe you need a heart attack to give you the impetus to make those changes, something more real to make the act of discipline more necessary.  For many people, sadly, the only reason they adopt any disciplines is they fear the dire consequences of not doing so.

If we take a different view of discipline, make it more of a friend, it might come a little easier.  Think of all the things you could accomplish by making discipline your friend.  Better health, better body, more income, more organized, all things that discipline can help you accomplish.  Is there something in your life that you have always wanted to do or attain?  Is the only thing standing between you and “it” the fact that you can’t discipline yourself to do what it takes?

Discipline in life is much like a muscle.  It must be worked in order to get stronger.  Start small in areas of your life that you have always wanted to change.  Think about the steps you would have to do to get there and then keep track of everything you accomplish as you take the first steps toward your goal.  The difference between exceptionally successful people and the rest of us is not usually intellect or money or even connections, it is usually that successful folks have the discipline to get up each day and take the next step toward their goal.  They don’t give up, they just keep moving forward, doing what they know they have to do to reach the goal.  They are disciplined.

So, ask yourself “are you willing to do what you need to do (discipline) in order to have what you really want?”  What stands between you and your goals is usually YOU.

 

Are You a Finisher?

In work and in life it is not always enough just to get started.  The first day of a diet, exercise plan, or resolve to change anything in one’s life is usually pretty easy.  You wake up, and “this is the first day of the rest of your life”, right!  Easy, you can do this, this time it will be different.  “I am in control.”  About mid way through the day, someone throws you a new dead line for a project, you lose a deal, something that you thought was a sure thing – isn’t.  But you are still okay, no need to turn to the old habit, you can handle this.  Life happens, no biggy, right?

After a few days and a few more disappointments, the vigor of the first day starts to wear a little thin.  Let’s face it, you lose, that is what you do, so why continue with the resolve to change.  Slowly you give in to your defeated feelings and by the end of the week it is all over, time to quit.

This same scenario can apply to something you are trying to achieve.  Maybe you are building a business, starting a charity, creating a new life for yourself.  You start strong, and the resolve lasts for a while and then you give up, “this can never work”, “what was I thinking?”  “I can’t achieve big things”.  And so the dream ends.

The difference between you and those that seem to “get lucky” and make it, is not that they are smarter, faster, have more money, or better connections.  The difference is that they just keep trying and ultimately they finish what they start.  Oh it may not look exactly as they thought it would in the beginning, but none-the-less they finish.  When they run into obstacles, they are just as disappointed as you, but instead of stopping, they just get up and go around, or over, or under the obstacle.

So how is such tenacity born?  Tenacity comes from inside of you.  It is learning to believe in what you are trying to accomplish and seeing yourself achieving it.  Tenacity comes from thinking positively and then speaking positively.  It comes from learning how to control your thinking, so that the urge to quit never enters your mind.

No mater what you are trying to accomplish, starting is not enough.  In order to live your dreams you must learn to become a finisher.  Start with the small stuff.  Finish that report, that book, or finish cleaning up the office.  Finish writing your resume, finish those phone calls.  Finishing is just as important as starting, and it feels even better.

New Year, New Passion

The new year has a way of making everyone feel like we have new resolve to accomplish anything.  It lays before us like freshly fallen snow.  Our first step in the year can be in any direction we want, it is still all uncharted, undisturbed and unknown.  It is full of possibilities and we all feel like this will be “our” year.  Our passion is high and our desire is to change our future.

We are happy to say goodbye to the last year.  By now it is bursting with the disappointments, distractions and perhaps even tragedies left over from last year’s passions and possibilities.  It is time to shake off the old year and look to the new year to bring about the changes we wanted the last.

At the beginning of each year is always a good time to not only plan all the things that we want to accomplish with the new year, but to examine how long those plans have been on the list.  We all know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome, but we continue to put things on our “to do” list each year that just never get done.  Now is a great time to ask ourselves what we can do differently.

Losing weight and stop smoking were among the top ten new year’s resolutions made by Americans this year.  If one or both of those things have been on your list for the last five years and you continue to fall short, perhaps it is not time to rethink the goal as much as, it is the strategy for accomplishment.  “Cutting back” on food is not working, perhaps its time for a personal trainer or nutritionist to help you step up the game.  If you can’t stop smoking on your own, perhaps a visit to the doctor is in order.  Many people fall short of their goals because they fail to seek the help they need to do so.

The same is true in your work or business.  What kind of goals are you trying to achieve?  Have you exhausted all of the ways to achieve the break through you need?  Probably not, most of us just dig in and keep trying.  The last thing most people resort to is asking for help, but whatever you are trying to do in your work, there is likely someone who has done it, perhaps it is time to ask how?

Nothing refreshes our passion for life and work more than achieving our goals.  When we can see ourselves as winners, we can go on to tackle bigger and better things in life.  Rarely, however, do we let ourselves do so because we just keep doing today, exactly what we did yesterday.  It may not work, but at least we are trying and we look pretty busy.

The phrase “think outside the box” comes from the idea that great achievements and amazing new products come from trying something just a little different, outside of “normal”.  So take a look around your box and decide which walls need to be pushed out.  If you have trouble conceptualizing where to push, get some help.  Talk to a friend or co-worker, read some books, hire a coach, take a class, whatever it takes to look at your problem differently, do it!

Resolve to be looking at completely new goals next year at this time.  Determine to break through and look for new outcomes to old problems.  Don’t keep looking in the same places for answers to old problems, start expanding your thinking and you will be amazed at the outcome.

 

What Would You Do?

Have you ever thought about what you would do if you knew you could not fail? I know that is one of those questions motivative speakers ask you to get you all fired up. But for real, have you ever thought about it.

I ask this question because I just signed up for a boot camp to teach me how to do something that is out of my comfort zone. As I contemplate the next month that I will be working with this guy it makes me think of that question.

Rarely do most people do new things. Most folks are quite content creating a little routine that gets them all they need, but few ever step out to, say, jump out of plane or sign up for an art class.

And why is that? I think mostly because we think we might fail. Failure seems to have a remarkable way of seeming like the very worst thing that could happen to us. So we don’t do a lot of new and uncomfortable things just because we might fail or may not be that good at them.

Anyway, as I start my new adventure, think about something you have always wanted to do and do it. Even failing might be at least a change and may just catapult you to a new place that will make your life even better. Here’s to new adventures. I’ll let you known if I survive bootcamp.

The Balance Game

It seems that everywhere we turn these days we hear about “balance”.  Finding life/work balance, personal balancing, balancing work and family, balancing our chi, and so on.  Balance can be elusive.  Lately, I have been thinking a lot about balance, does that mean I’m unbalanced, not sure.  But as I have thought about the subject, I have noted that many people are looking for some type of method, or process that will make them and their life as a whole, more balanced.  It occurred to me that perhaps we can’t always find balance on our own.  Yes there are things we need others for, we are not the rugged individualists we all like to imagine ourselves a being.

Let me explain.  For many years of I have studied temperaments, seeking to understand people and how to best to communicate.  Temperament study is fascinating and enlightening.  One observation that I have made is that each of the four temperaments has an opposite.  So the Dominant temperament who is a natural leader, who hates details has an opposite in the Steady (using DISC methodology) who is a detail-oriented service prone individual.  The Intuitive, a fun-loving, look-at-me person is balanced by the serious, task-oriented Conscientious person.  In this we see perfect balance.

The next logical step in our discussion of finding balance is to seek out the people who will best compliment and balance our dominant personality style, instead of being everything for ourselves and enduring the stress this ultimately brings.  If we can learn to surround ourselves, particularly in our work, with the people who are our natural “other half”, the part we lack, we will eliminate 50% of the stress we feel each day trying to be everything.

So how does this look practically?  If you are a business owner who happens to be a Dominant, you get lots done in a day because you forge ahead, push people for production, take risks and take charge, meanwhile you forget to pay the power bill for three months (a detail) and you waste an entire day getting back on track.  Why not hire a virtual assistant who is a happy-to-be-in-the-background Steady. He/she will see to all the details and you will push your business to new heights.  Everyone wins.  Or let’s say that you are a to-the-point, fact-oriented, no-small-talk Conscientious, who finds herself, due to your hard, managing a sales department.  You neither want to sell or be around sales people, but times are tough and here you are!  Surround yourself with a bunch of intuitive, happy, friendly, love-to-talk, salespeople.  They start the deals and you handle the details, everyone wins again.

As with most things in life, balance is rarely a solo endeavor.  I find this intriguing and slightly comforting that we were never designed to go-it-on-our-own, but rather to find ways to interact with others in such a way as to ensure that everyone wins.  So if you are tearing your hair out right now looking for a way to feel balanced and less pressured and feeling it is all on you, you are wrong.  Start thinking about your strengths and what you know you don’t do well.  Find someone to lift your load on the side of the things you don’t do well and watch the scales of your life finally begin to balance.

How is Your Stress Level Today?

Well it is Friday, so hopefully your stress levels are pretty low, but you could also be working on a deadline and the weekend is looming ahead of you.  Stress is obviously one of the things that we all like to avoid, but most of us live under a certain amount every day.  So how do we deal?

Sometimes we can readily identify our stress and sometimes we can’t, we just know we feel stressed and all of life seems to be ganging up on us.  Before you can eliminate the cause you really have to identify the stressor to see if elimination is even possible. I recommend using a Stress Diary.

Stress Diaries are important for understanding the causes of short-term stress in your life. They also give you an important insight into how you react to stress, and help you to identify the level of stress at which you prefer to operate.  The basic idea is that you regularly record information about the stresses in your life.  Things like the drive to work, or the boss, or a co-worker, your diet, friends etc. may all cause you some stress but you have never really thought that much about them.

As well as helping you capture and analyse the most common sources of stress in your life, Stress Diaries help you to understand:

• The causes of stress in more detail;
• The levels of stress at which you operate most effectively; and
• How you react to stress, and whether your reactions are appropriate and useful.

So here is how to use your Stress Diary

• Enter the date and time of the entry. I suggest you try to write something every hour or so.
• Record your most recent stress, and rate it on a 1 – 10 scale.
• Note how the stress affected you (made you angry, you were short with others, etc.)
• What was the cause of the stress (if stress is caused from being caught in traffic because you slept in then you are the source of the stress and can take action to control it)
• What are the symptoms you feel, if any, when you are stressed? ( “butterflies in your stomach”, anger, headache, raised pulse rate, sweaty palms, etc.).
• How did you handle the stress (solved the problem, told someone off, honked your horn)

Now comes the fun part.  After you have recorded in your diary for several days or a week, begin to look through your diary to determine what are the most important, and frequent sources of stress for you.  Can any of them be controlled or eliminated?  Are there ways to handle your stress differently?

Many times stress can be self-induced, and this simple exercise will help you to see when you are causing your own stress or setting yourself up to experience more pressure from others.  Very often we are so used to our routines that we forget that changing one small thing in our lives can actually make a huge difference.

Stress is a part of living, and some is good for us, but the stress that shortens our lives can often be controlled, it is all a matter of researching and figuring out just how to do it!  Feeling stressed about your stress?  Now you have a plan to get in control of it!

 

What Do People Like About You?

While listening to one of my news shows this morning (yes, I am a news junky) I heard one commentator say that a politician has to do two things to be successful.  They have to first get people to like them, and then they have to get those same people to act on that emotion and go and vote for them.  As I thought about that, I realized that this is not unlike those of us who must network to get the message out about our product or service.  First we have to get people to like us and then we have to get them to act on that feeling and give us a referral.  Sort of makes one feel a little creepy to know that we are all like politicians, but that aside, let’s think about how we get people to like us.

Whether someone likes us or not depends on what they know about us, but more importantly, what we know about ourselves.  Do you know what it is that makes people like you?  I know, you are nice, pleasant, make eye contact, have a firm handshake, wear your name tag on the right side of your lapel and you smile a lot and give the occasional referral, but beyond that what is at the core of why people like you.  Can you articulate what it is about you that attracts people to you?  Are people attracted to you?  If you met you at a meeting, would you come over and talk to you?

Unlike politicians, we cannot “invent” our image.  It must be real, because, as we know, politicians make people like them every 2 or 3 years and the rest of the time they get to be themselves.  As business owners, we need people to like us, trust us and want to do business with us all the time.  It is important for each of us to look critically at ourselves and figure out those qualities that best define us and then allow those qualities to shine at networking events and with our clients.  If you are strong and assertive, use those traits to lead and direct, people like leaders.  If you are quiet and detail oriented use those traits to engage in support and serving on committees that keep things growing, people love people who can be depended upon.  If you are fun and love people, use those skills to connect new people to events and other people, everyone loves connectors.  Whatever your skills and gifts are, use them and highlight them so that you become known for those traits.

I have worked with lots and lots of people, helping them find their core strengths and I can tell you there I have never worked with a single person who does not have some fabulous strength that needs to be highlighted.  So what do people like about you?  If you don’t know, start asking your friends, employees, co-workers and acquaintances.  Once you get a good idea, start using your assets to build those relationships that make people act on what they like about you.

Networking Groups

I was at a wonderful networking group this morning and the exercise for the day was exchanging information about all the networking groups we all attended.  It was a good discussion that got me thinking a little about what I should be getting out of networking and what I should be contributing.

There was a lot of discussion around the number of members in a group, cost to join, networking effectiveness and the like.  Now I have done a bunch of networking in five years and I can tell you that there are lots of things to consider when networking, the least of which is cost and numbers.

As I thought about all the groups I have been involved in, I found myself thinking that what made a group “good” for me had nothing to do with its members and everything to do with me.  The return I get from any group is often dependent on my attitude toward that group.  People feel attitude and if mine is open and interested, I usually have a pretty good response from any group I am in.

Networking for me is all about making connections with people so that I might be able to connect them to someone else.  Along the way, I get referrals and business, but most of the time it is a result of connecting people to someone or something.  I truly enjoy networking, it actually makes me feel good.

A group is good or bad for me, not based on ROI necessarily, but rather on the groups openness to each other and to new people.  If a group is open and inviting, I always do well.  I know that it is important to measure in numbers the benefit one is getting from a group and some folks actually have hard formulas they use to determine if they will stay in a group or not.  However, I think it is equally important to look at softer issues as well.  Does the group seem to refer to each other?  Are they loyal to members?  Is there a general feeling of professionalism, respect and honesty?  Is there high energy in the room?  Do people enjoy being there and look forward to meetings?  Is the group centered around just one person or is it a team effort? All these are good indicators of the effectiveness of a group.

I also think it is important to evaluate one’s group involvement from time-to-time.  I do so about once/year.  I want to be effective in my groups so I want to be sure that I am not over taxed in my networking.  I do look at numbers, but when I find I am not getting business referrals from a group, I have to ask myself if it is my fault.  Are my commercials are clear and am I doing enough 1-1′s to be effective in the group.  It is not always a group’s problem if I am not getting referrals from the group.

So as we start a new year, think about the groups you are currently involved in.  Make sure that you are contributing and that people see you as someone who cares about the group.  Take time to get to know people well and help them know you as well.  Networking is an art, and art always takes time to perfect.

What are Your Barriers?

Coaches are always looking for clues that will unlock a problem or problems that the client has on the way to success.  Whether we are looking at business or personal success, the process is often the same when it comes to uncovering the barriers that stand in our way.

Barriers are attitudes, ideas, beliefs, habits, self-talk, long-held family beliefs, and fears that rumble around in our heads and keep us from reaching for the goals we are trying to achieve and can even keep us from healthy relationships with family and friends.  And like a barrier found on a road, until it is removed you are simply not driving through.

When we have a barrier in our mind about anything, it can be very difficult to overcome because like many things in life, we may not even realize it is there.  The kinds of barriers often include doubts about personal qualification stemming from prior bad experiences or words spoken to us, conflicted thinking about the kind of business we are involved in, concerns about our own ability to handle problems and so on.  The kinds of barriers are as many as the people who have them.

So how do we remove these barriers?  The first step is to determine what the barrier may be and how we arrived in front of it.  Folks can go an long time never running into a personal barrier, and then all of the sudden they embark on something new and all of their prior success becomes meaningless and they hit a wall.  It could be as simple as entering unfamiliar territory in a career (new type of business in new industry) or in a personal life (new relationship or loss of a relationship) to having an old memory trigger a personal response that sets one back for a while.  Take time to analyze the situation.  Write down everything that is new in your life.  See if you can uncover the clues.

Once you have uncovered the barrier, consider its validity.  Sometimes, like the monster in the closet for a child, once we turn a light on it, the barrier will simply disappear.  I have had clients simply smile and move on as they figure out what the barrier is and how silly it is to be trapped by the idea.  Others may take some time to work through, especially if it has been with you for some time.  But casting light on it is the first step.

Next analyze exalting how it is affecting your success.  Knowing this can help you cope and move forward until you are able to overcome the problems it causes.  The barriers that have been with us for a long time are the ones that will take the longest to overcome.

Don’t be afraid to get help from a friend or even a professional if the barrier you experience is constantly preventing your success.

So what are the goals that you never seem to achieve.  What are the achievements that constantly allude you, that seem to be just beyond your reach.  Ask yourself why?  Is the a barrier you need to overcome to get to that goal.  Look carefully at your whole life, not just business.  Many times when we are trying to achieve health goals or personal relaionship goals comments and untruths that we have embraced as truth could keep us from the success we seek in our lives.  What are your barriers?  We all have them, it is how we handle them that makes all the difference.